The Host Karaoke
by merielrose
Summary: Wanda and the Temptations, and someone you wouldn't expect likes a little hip-hop. Some fun in Stephenie Meyer's The Host universe!
1. Ain't No Planet

**Author's Note: **Stephenie Meyer's _The Host_ is still pretty stinking new, so this is your OFFICIAL SPOILER WARNING. I own nothing. Blah, blah.

P.S. - Please, please have a sense of humor. I was having fun. :)

* * *

"Ain't No Planet Far Enough - Ian and Wanda"

A giggly blonde girl stepped onto the rough plywood stage Uncle Jeb constructed on that silly whim of his. The entire colony was assembled in the game room, and even the other human colonies had been invited. Burns and Nate sat near Doc and Shannon. The red-head would have been uncomfortable, had not Doc Eustace's arm been draped around her.

How had this incident come about in the first place?

_"Jared, what is this machine for?" Wanda asked. A small television screen was attached to something neither DVD or its ancient_ _counterpart, VHS. "CD+G? What does that mean?"_

_The bulky man looked up from the pile of candy he had just shoved into his duffle bag -- also a recent aquirement. Well, when raiding an empty department store at night, the spoils are spectacular (the Souls had been talking holidays seriously -- a day off was an entire 24-hours off)._

_Jared scratched his head thoughtfully and walked over to where Wanda was poking the contraption of plastic, wire and glass. "Ka-ray-ok-kee," she sounded out. "That means... oh, if I were still in Melanie's brain, she would know. A Souls-only body seems to know nothing more than the Soul."_

_He laughed, "Hey, Kyle, look what the silver-eyes found. A karaoke machine!"_

_The other man came over, "Dude, that's weird. It's a really old model, too. What songs does it have?" He browsed the stack of disc-cases next to it._

_Jared lifted the medium-sized machine into his large hands, "It's battery powered, too. We don't necessarily need it, but..."_

_"Let's take it anyway. The Souls already have enough of the fun to themselves anyway," Kyle stuffed it into his bag, next to the Twix box he just pilfered._

_"But what is it?!" Wanda whined._

_The ride in the jeep back to the Caves was enlightening, and Wanda discovered a knack for... songwriting..._

"C'mon, Ian," the pixie beckons, her silver eyes shining. "Mel...?"

"Trying, honey," huffed the mahogany-haired woman. She was busy trying to pull her beau onto the stage. Ian grudgingly stepped into the make-shift spotlight. "Baby, you're the one who brought the thing home," Melanie pouted at Jared, "you gotta do this."

"For a price," he growled, pulling his girl close to him. She kissed him fiercely, then whispered, "The rest later."

From offstage in the darkness, Jamie motioned vomitting to a smirking Shanon.

Wanda held Ian's hand in her own small palm, and with the other, she pressed the side-ways triangle on the machine on the stool. Ian held the microphone, which in Wanda's eyes was not so "micro". She nodded at Jared, who held the other pair's sound-reciever. Even Melanie was smiling...

Melanie swayed her hips to the beat, making sure Jared had his eye on the prize:  
_If you need me, call me __  
__No matter where you are, __  
__No matter how far_ (Wanda: _Don't worry baby!_)

She laid a subtle hand where no one would see it and he would feel it. She was trying to throw him off! Jared cleared his throat and sang with her:  
_Just call out my name. __  
__I'll be there in a hurry __  
__You don't have to worry __  
_Both:  
_'Cause baby there __  
__Ain't no planet far enough __  
__Ain't no valley low enough __  
__Ain't no desert dry enough __  
__To keep me from getting to you babe_

Ian looked at his smiling Wanda, the angelic creature that now had his mind and heart. She gave him an impish grin as he sang:  
_Remember the day __  
__I set you free __  
__I told you could always count on me, darling __  
__From that day on __  
__I made a vow __  
__I'll be there when you want me __  
__Some way, somehow_

Wanda:  
_'Cause baby, oh __  
__Even in my cryotank __  
__Into dark of night I sank __  
__Dreamin', I got fate to thank __  
__Not even species could seperate us_

Wanda's added verse was to confess her love; still smiling, she bolstered her courage for the next bit of song:  
_On the Planet of Beasts __  
__I wasn't home __  
__Something was keepin' me from settling __  
__From that day on __  
__I made my search __  
__I'm on Earth for you only __  
__I know that now_

The Girls:  
_No wind... No heat __  
__Or desert's strength. __  
__Can stop me baby. __  
__Na-na baby __  
_  
All:  
_Cause you are my love __  
__When you're in trouble __  
__I'll be there on the double __  
__Just send for me __  
__Oooh baby __  
__Picacho peak ain't high enough, __  
__The desert isn't dry enough, __  
__The country is not wide enough, __  
__To keep me from getting to you babe!_

* * *

_Special thanks to:_ The Temptations - "Ain't No Mountain High"


	2. ManEater

**Author's Note: **This chapter popped nearly out of nowhere, but it was suggested by the voices in my head soon after writing "Ain't No Mountain" with Ian, Wanda, Mel, and Jared. We just weren't sure what song we should use. Then, after surfing youtube during the perilous hours of summer boredom, we stumbled upon this song.

Disclaimer: I don't condone alcoholism, but how the hell else would I get these two to do anything if they weren't drunk? **Just for fun, but not quite for the kiddies.**

By all means, this fic is to be read with a sense of humor and sarcasm… and possibly a little understanding that the summertime high has hit. Stephenie Meyer, you rock, and I apologize for my shameless toying with your characters.

* * *

**"Maneater – Sharon and Lacey" **

"Damn, I'm going to get something to drink," Sharon grumbled, "Doc, you want something, too?"

Doc Eustace shook his head and continued laughing with the crowd as Wanda and Melanie danced with their cohorts on stage. They were only half-way into the song but already Sharon felt nauseated. She made her way through the caves to the storage area where she knew the boys stashed a few beers. Near the opening, she heard someone clear their throat.

"Hey, Lacey," Sharon mumbled.

"Hey, yourself. Whatcha up to now?" said the petite black haired woman.

"Feelin' a little thirsty, is all."

"Right." Lacey pondered for a moment then said, "Might I join you?"

A malicious grin came to Sharon's face, "May this unholy alliance last forever!" and she tossed Lacey a bottle.

--

"I swear it's the beer buzz," Sharon giggled.

Lacey was hiccoughing, "You're a happy drunk!"

"Light-weight!"

"You, too!" The "oo" part of the word was irregularly elongated. For being the two most uptight women in the colony, at this moment, they were a vision of relaxation.

"You think we should rejoin the party," one suggested.

"I think I have an idea of what to sing, too. Got a pen?"

--

"Jared, I thought you said you hid the beer!" coughed Ian.

"Doc!?"

"I can't quite recall if… Sharon, no!" Doc groaned.

"Aw, sweeterms, I won't fall off the stage," she planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Then she nodded at Lacey, who had already punched all the right buttons on the karaoke machine.

Both girls took one last swig from their bottle, and there was a _slight_ flurry of wardrobe adjustment before stepping onstage. Doc was suddenly and ashamedly pleased Sharon had found the beer now. Her flaming red hair was released from its tight hold, forming cascading curls down her shoulders, and her pink, yes _pink_, blouse made her freckles stand out. Yes, Doc was secretly pleased.

Lacey's transformation was not as observed as Doc's examination of Sharon, but it must be noted that the former Seeker took advantage of her own womanly curves and they danced as irreverently as the previous participants. Then again, unlike previous participants, Lacey and Sharon were intoxicated.

The loud bass pumped through the cavern and with a cackle, Lacey bellowed:

_Everybody look at me, me  
I walk in the door you start screaming  
Come on, everybody, what chu here for?_

Sharon joined in and they both sang:

_Movin' at the moment that she says so  
Everybody get your necks to crack around  
All you crazy people go on jump around  
She just wanna get y'all on your knees, knees  
You all just want to be with she and hate we!  
_

There was an uncharacteristically manic giggle. Apparently they were proud of their poor rhyming skills.

_Maneater, make you work hard  
Make you spend hard  
Make you want all of her love  
She's a maneater  
Make you risk life  
give you much strife  
make you fall, real hard in love  
She's a Maneater, make you work hard  
Make you spend hard  
Make you want all, of her love  
She's a maneater  
Give you false words  
Make you cut cords  
Wish you never ever met her at all!  
_

Members of the audience shifted uncomfortably in their seats. The song reeked of bitterness. Wanda looked down at her hands folded into her lap. Pale and fragile as she was now, they still apparently hated her.

"They're just jealous that you get all the nice attention and they don't," whispered Mel. The older girl took Wanderer's shaking hand into her own and gave her a smile.

_And when she walks she walks with passion  
when she talks, she talks like she can handle it  
when she asks for something boy she means it  
even if you never ever seen it --_

The music suddenly stopped, though it took several seconds for the two performers to realize this.

"Aw, lame! What the he--," Lacey blurted.

"My house--," Jeb began.

"Your rules," the crowd completed.

"I think it's my turn," the naturally twinkly-eyed man suggested, "and, Jared, why don't you find the rest those drinks to share. I think we won't need them beyond tonight. And besides, you'd only want to hear my voice when… well, actually never."

The crowd, now at ease again, laughed quite heartily as two very embarrassed, newly sober women sat in their places.

* * *

Song: "ManEater" - Nelly Furtado


End file.
